~ High Fives and Wishful Thinking ~: 2011

Friday 30 December 2011

Wednesday 28 December 2011

Read read read

Okay, so I like to read, and I am going to challenge myself for 2012: I want to have read 75 out of these 100 books by 31-12-2012. (and yes I already know of 2 books I am likely to skip ;-) )

[] 1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
[R] 2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
[] 3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
[R] 4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
[] 5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
[] 6 The Bible - God (the whole thing)
[] 7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
[R] 8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
[R] 9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
[] 10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

Total: 4

[] 11 Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
[] 12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
[] 13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
[] 14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
[] 15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
[R] 16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
[] 17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
[] 18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
[] 19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
[] 20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

Total: 1

[] 21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
[] 22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
[] 23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
[] 24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
[R] 25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
[] 27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
[] 28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
[] 29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
[] 30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

Total: 1

[ ] 31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
[ ] 32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
[R] 33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
[ ] 34 Emma - Jane Austen
[ ] 35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
[R] 36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
[ ] 37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
[ ] 38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
[ ] 39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
[R] 40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

Total: 3

[R] 41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
[R] 42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
[ ] 43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
[ ] 44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
[ ] 45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
[ ] 46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
[ ] 47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
[ ] 48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
[] 49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
[ ] 50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

Total: 2

[ ] 51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
[ ] 52 Dune - Frank Herbert
[ ] 53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
[ ] 54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
[ ] 55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
[ ] 56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
[ ] 57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
[R] 58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
[R] 59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
[ ] 60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Total: 2

[] 61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
[ ] 62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
[R] 63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
[ ] 64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
[ ] 65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
[ ] 66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
[ ] 67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
[R] 68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
[ ] 69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
[ ] 70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Total: 2

[] 71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
[ ] 72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
[R] 73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
[ ] 74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
[ ] 75 Ulysses - James Joyce
[ ] 76 The Inferno - Dante
[ ] 77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
[ ] 78 Germinal - Emile Zola
[ ] 79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
[ ] 80 Possession - AS Byatt

Total: 1

[] 81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
[ ] 82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
[] 83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
[ ] 84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
[ ] 85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
[ ] 86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mxistry
[] 87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
[ ] 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
[R] 89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
[ ] 90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

Total: 1

[] 91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
[ ] 92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
[ ] 93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
[R] 94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
[ ] 95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
[ ] 96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
[ ] 97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
[ ] 98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
[R] 99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
[R] 100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Total: 3

Total: 20

Friday 25 November 2011

How sweet the sound

This is a story I wrote quite a while ago. It uses the members of Il Divo as characters, but the essence of the story isn't about them, so if you don't know them (or don't like them ;) ) it shouldn't keep you from reading it. It holds bits and pieces of my heart and soul.

_____

He could hardly wait until the interview was over. Always the same boring and silly questions: How does the fact that you come from different countries influence your relationship? Which song do you like best? Which country did you like most?

Didn’t people understand that they got on as well as any people thrown together under similar circumstances could? That mood and feelings changed whichever song they preferred, but that after hundreds of times one song was as good or bad as another? That countries blurred into hotel rooms and airports? He wished he could be anywhere else but sit here and play his role.

He was drawn back into reality as the interviewer stood and started to shake hands, thanking them for their time. He gave her a smile and was happy to see her disappear out the door.

As he turned to the other Divo’s he caught a glance between Carlos and Urs.

‘Seb, how about we go to that pub I told you about? A nice cold diet Coke and some eye candy sounds like heaven to me right now!’

Seb didn’t even answer but with a wave turned and walked out the door, with Carlos following closely behind.

Urs caught David’s eye and smiled. ‘Out for a walk?’ he proposed.

‘I’d rather…’ David started to protest.

‘I think we could both use a calming stroll in the sun. We could walk to the Junction and stay there for a while. I'd like the company.’

Urs had this way of making it hard to say no. He made it sound as if David was doing him a favour even though David knew it was the other way around. He wanted to be alone. But he didn’t want to be on his own. Urs would give him the room he needed, but still be a comfort with his presence.

David gave him a nod and grabbed his denim jacket. Urs put on his sunglasses and they left the room.

Outside they turned right and strolled along the Arve. David squinted against the bright sun. It was almost as bright as on that day in Colorado, so many years ago.

~

She had walked into the classroom in the second period. He remembered clearly, it was during French and Mr Swoony was trying to get the irregular verbs into the brains of his unwilling students. It had been a sunny day in April and David’s mind had been torn between the piece his school theatre group would be performing a few days later and the bike ride along the river he had promised himself that morning when the sunshine had woken him very early. Between them there wasn’t really any room for verbs and French had never been a favourite subject anyway, so David was happy for the interruption.

While Mr Swoony and the school secretary, Miss Devon, talked in low voices he watched her. She was a tall girl with dark brown hair and clear green eyes. She caught him looking at her and stared back at him. He would have sworn afterwards that minutes had passed. Then, suddenly, a smile crept in her face and she gave him a wink. He felt his face go red and looked down.

‘Okay everyone, this here is Quinn. Quinn, meet your classmates.’

Quinn. That was an intriguing name. David had never heard it before. He looked up again and smiled at the girl. She was scanning the class with a friendly smile on her face.

‘There are some empty seats, pick any one of them and then we’ll continue class.’ Mr Swoony said.

Quinn walked to the closest empty seat, sat down and put her books in front of her. She quietly sat there for the rest of the class.

David didn’t see her for the rest of the day, she obviously took other classes, but after school, as he walked over to the theatre for rehearsals he saw her walking in the same direction.

Taking a couple of long steps he caught up with her and as he got next to her he said ‘Hi!’.

Quinn looked over to him and gave him a smile.

‘Hi! You are in my French class, am I right?’

‘Yes, my name is David.’

Quinn told him she was looking to join the theatre group, but as the play was almost ready she was hoping she would be allowed to watch rehearsals to get to know some of the people. David assured her he couldn’t see any problem and he was right.

They did a complete run through and in the end Quinn even gave them some good hints to improve the whole performance. After everyone had finished cleaning up they all gathered in the entrance hall and chatted while waiting for their rides to pick them up.

David was talking to Quinn and Amber, who was also in their French class.

He found out that Quinn was waiting for her older brother Davin to pick her up. He was 19, 4 years older than Quinn and worked at their parent’s ranch. They had moved down from Canada because her dad got the offer to take over the ranch from an old friend of his. The kids hadn’t been too keen on the move, but didn’t have much of a choice either.

‘Maybe it won’t be as bad as you thought,’ David winked.

Amber immediately started talking about all the school clubs and teams they had and about the plans the theatre group had for the rest of the year and even for the following year.

A honk outside made them all look up and Quinn waved. ‘My brother.’ She explained and grabbed her bag.

David picked up his and with a wave to the last few waiting walked out with Quinn. She introduced David to her brother and bidding him goodbye got into her brother’s car.

David got into his hand me down and drove off.

He noticed Davin followed him and concluded they must be living on the same side of the town. After 20 minutes Davin was still behind him and he couldn’t help but starting to wonder. Then he suddenly realised that down the road from where he lived old Henry Rivers had moved out to go live with his daughter and some new guy had moved in, taking over the Double Arrow ranch. Could it be?

And yes, after another 10 minutes he saw Davin put on his indicator and honking he turned up the drive way of the Double Arrow.

~

The honking sound pulled him back into the reality of the day. Urs had grabbed hold of his arm, stopping him from crossing a busy road. He had no recollection of how they had gotten there, being taken by the past that felt so close today.

He looked at his friend and smiled apologising. ‘My mind was elsewhere.’

‘I know, that’s okay,’ Urs answered. ‘Just watch out while crossing here, I’d rather not have you flat.’ He winked and turned his attention back to the traffic.

David nodded and decided to be better company.

He started talking about the interview and they tried to come up with the silliest question and a good way of answering it next time it came up in an interview.

As soon as they reached the banks of the Rhone they both got quiet though, amazed and impressed by the sheer beauty of nature in this big city. Right in front a high cliff towered them, with at its bottom the heart-touching blue water of the Rhone that had just left the lake of Geneva. The trees were just starting to get their leaves and the grass was filled with spring flowers.

Accompanied by the rustling sounds of the river and trees they turned left and followed the clear water to the point where it joined the grey stream of the Arve. There they stood in silence, admiring the sheer power and beauty of nature.

The flow of the river and rustling of leaves brought David back to years before when he made similar walks with Quinn.

The fact that they were almost neighbours had had David propose they would drive to school together. It would save Davin driving up and down and would make the daily drives for him more fun. Quinn had invited him over to meet her parents and they had agreed on the two sharing a ride.

So for the rest of that year they had spent quite some time together, driving, and in school and theatre. They had gotten to know each other quite well, and David often wondered why he didn’t have the ‘in love’ feelings for Quinn.

One day he had told her, his face reddening as she swallowed a chuckle.

‘David, why would you be in love with me? Do you want to be? Do you have to be?’

That made him think.

‘Why would I be in love with you? Well, because you are funny and sweet and cute and…’

Now Quinn laughed out loud. ‘But sweet David, so are you and I am not in love with you either. I like you, and I love you, and I am grateful for having you in my life. But to have all that is enough. You will find a person who will be more than a friend, who will be like your other half, a half that you never knew was missing.’

David didn’t really know what to say, and so he kept his mouth shut. The words did linger on his mind for a long time after though, and he couldn’t help but agree with them.

A couple of weeks later, just before the end of the school year, Quinn asked David if he would help her out with her acting assignment. Their drama teacher had given them a monologue for their end of year performance: it had to be on the world and their relation to it or their position in it. David had decided to make it into a monologue on being a song in the world, heard by many, but leaving a different memory in each person that heard it. He felt very proud of it and had already held the monologue for his parents.

‘Sure, I’ll help. What do you want me to do?’

‘Not much really. Just listen to it and tell me if it is too much.’

David frowned. Too much? Too much what?

They agreed to meet at the theatre after class.

That day was not the last time he said goodbye to her, but it was the last time she said goodbye to him.

_____

Standing on stage, looking down at the screaming audience, the four men took another deep bow. Then Carlos and Seb grabbed the stools that were set on the side of the stage. This wasn’t part of the usual routine and thinking there was going to be a new song the audience managed to make even more noise.

Without a word the four men sat on the stools. The men and women in the orchestra put down their instruments and the band members sat quietly too.

The noise slowly died down and when it had gotten to the level of a soft murmur Urs lifted his microphone.

‘"In everyone’s life there are people who make an impression that can never be erased. An impression because of who they are, of what they do, of what they mean to us. Sometimes these impressions are the result of a lifelong friendship, sometimes they are what is left of a short encounter, sometimes even just a ‘Hi, how are you?’, a wink, a smile.

But not all impressions people leave are positive. We all have at some point in our lives, hurt another person. Sometimes it happens by accident when we do not realise the impact of our words or deeds, sometimes we want to hurt back when we are hurt, we strike out in anger or pain. And sometimes people leave an impression that damages a life beyond repair.

All these impressions, the good, the bad, they make us, they shape us, they last forever: sometimes in plain view for all to see, sometimes lingering in the back of our minds until something makes them appear, a date, a word, a feeling, a song.

The people who made these impressions in our souls will always be part of our lives, for the memory of them will be within us forever. After they have left our life, even after they have left this world their impression will live on in us, in our memory, in our heart. And sometimes they don't even know it..."

Here, today, we want to remember the person who spoke these words. A person who left an impression in our hearts, even if three of us never knew her in person. She will be remembered as having an unending love for life, and an immeasurable courage to face each day that was put on her path. Her time amongst the living was too short, but she left impressions in the lives of all who knew her.

This song was special to her, and it has become special to us.’

His words moved the audience, and feeling that this was a very special moment silence fell over the arena. It was like one could hear the silence and the four men on stage knew that this too was an everlasting impression made in thousands of lives, including their own.

The silence of thousands of people was deafening to everyone’s ears.

David felt emotions and memories racing through him, scenes of him and Quinn, laughing in the car, her monologue on the world, her smile as she told him they didn’t need to be in love. He felt love for her, for his brothers, who, by doing this, showed him they loved him as well.

He swallowed hard, determined not to cry, for he knew what they were about to do.

Then, accompanied by a warm deep baritone and a sweet high tenor voice, Urs started singing…

‘Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That once saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now, I see.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.

When we’ve been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.’

Thursday 16 June 2011

Goede vaart, Adieu

Paps, het is goed zo.
Ik zal je ontzettend missen, maar ben ook onbeschrijflijk blij met de laatste paar dagen die we met elkaar hebben gehad. Ik houd van je.
Goede vaart.

Leontine

Translation:
Your death did not come sudden, but bit by bit each day
All of the bits accompanied by a tear and by a smile
You said "I still want to, but my body is so tired"
And then, still so unexpected, the last bit found its way.

Tu n'es pas parti subitement, mais un petit peu chaque jour
Chaque peu accompagné d'une larme et d'un sourire

Tu as dit "Je veux toujours, mais mon corps est tellement fatigué"
Et puis, tout à fait inattendue, le dernier petit peu t'a trouvé.

Wednesday 15 June 2011

Tuesday 14 June 2011

Together we're invincible

Follow through
Make your dreams come true
Don't give up the fight
You will be alright

'Cause there's no one
Like you in the universe

Don't be afraid
What your mind consumes
You should make a stand
Stand up for what you believe

And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible

During the struggle, they will pull us down
But please, please, let's use this chance to turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible

Do it on your own
It makes no difference to me
What you leave behind
What you choose to be

And whatever they say
Your soul's unbreakable

During the struggle, they will pull us down
But please, please, let's use this chance to turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible, together we're invincible

During the struggle, they will pull us down
But please, please, let's use this chance to turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible, together we're invincible

Saturday 11 June 2011

There is one constant in life: everything changes.
There is one certainty in life: there are no certainties.
There is one thing certain when you are born: you will die.

Paradoxes? Perhaps.
Truths? Yes.

It may not be fair, but who ever said that life is fair?
It's life...

Tuesday 7 June 2011

questions

Why oh why is it so easy to stand up for someone else, but so hard to stand up for yourself?

Why is it so easy to give advice to others, but so hard to follow that same advice yourself?

Why is it so easy to see the paths that others could follow, but impossible to find your own?

Why? Why not?

Does anyone know?

Thursday 26 May 2011

In need of a smile :-)

Not the best evening today, so needed a little 'cheer me up' - Leendert Jan Vis makes the cutest, sweetest and funniest cards, gotta love them :-) In times like these I really miss having that one special person you can hide with for a little while...

To those who know who they are - I am thinking of you, I love you xx

Thursday 19 May 2011

William 'Muse'ing...

Finally went to look for the original of my favorite William Joseph piece... Me likes! Enjoy :-D

Tuesday 17 May 2011

URB!

Food for thought

We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. ~ Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive

If you must love your neighbor as yourself, it is at least as fair to love yourself as your neighbor. ~Nicholas de Chamfort

Only as high as I reach can I grow,
Only as far as I seek can I go,
Only as deep as I look can I see,
Only as much as I dream can I be.
~Karen Ravn

Anyone who ever gave you confidence, you owe them a lot. ~Truman Capote,Breakfast at Tiffany's, 1958, spoken by the character Holly Golightly

People are crying up the rich and variegated plumage of the peacock, and he is himself blushing at the sight of his ugly feet. ~Sa'Di

Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong. ~Peter T. Mcintyre

Success comes in cans, not cant's. ~Author Unknown

Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right. ~Henry Ford

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. ~Sally Field

And a very very true one...
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Monday 16 May 2011

How poor we are (Paul Coelho)

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from the trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?”
“It was great, Dad”.

“Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked.

“Oh yes”, said the son.
“So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.

The son answered:
“I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
“We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden and they have a creek that has no end.
“We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

“Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
“We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

“We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
“We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”

The boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added:
“Thanks, Dad for showing me how poor we are.”

Wednesday 11 May 2011

I don't know how

I don't know how to like you
I don't know how to love you
I don't know how

Your feelings, a maze
in which it is too easy to get lost
Your emotions, a flood
banked, then overflowing
You are lost and cannot find the way home
I want to guide you, help you, love you but
I don't know how

I live with you
I live within you but
I don't know how

Thursday 5 May 2011

Thank you, Else

I found a little bURSday booklet today that my friend Else from Norway sent me for my birthday.

After having had a tough chat with the shrink this morning, reading through what she wrote gave me another good cry. Some things touched me so deep, that I want to share them here :-)

"If I could give you one thing, I would give you the ability to see yourself as others see you.

Then you could realise what a truly special person you are."

Same goes for you Else - miss you, love you xx

"Friendship is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."

"Yesterday is a memory

Tomorrow is a mystery

Today is a gift

That's why it's called the present."

"Don't walk in front of me

I may not follow

Don't walk behind me

I may not lead

Just walk beside me

And be my friend"

"If I could catch a rainbow,

I would do it, just for you,

And, share with you, its beauty,

on the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain,

you could call your very own.

A place to find serenity,

a place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles,

and toss them in the sea.

But, all these things, I'm finding,

are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain,

or catch a rainbow fair;

but, let me be, what I know best,

A Friend, who's always there."

"In order to get where you want to go,

You first have to leave where you are."

Thursday 28 April 2011

Cheers!

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The project manager says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

The school teacher says it's not about whether the glass is half empty or half full, it's whether there is something in the glass at all.

The consultant says let's examine the question, prepare a strategy for an answer, and all for a daily rate of...

The entrepreneur sees the glass as undervalued by half its potential.

The first engineer says the glass is over-designed for the quantity of water.

The Buddhist says don't worry, remember the glass is already broken.

The scientist says a guess based on a visual cue is inaccurate, so mark the glass at the bottom of the meniscus of the content, pour the content into a bigger glass; fill the empty glass with fresh content up to the mark; add the original content back in; if the combined content overflows the lip, the glass was more than half full; if it doesn't reach the top, the glass was more than half empty; if it neither overflows nor fails to reach the top then it was either half-full or half-empty. Now what was the question again?

The Dutchman would suggest to both pay for the glass and share the content. Then tells you he will have the bottom half.

The physician says that the glass is not empty at all - it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air - hence, fully filled on the whole!

The dog just wonders: can he eat the glass or will you throw it so he can bring it back... The cat wonders why the glass is only half full (or empty)... is it a trick... poison perhaps...

The adolescent student says the glass is just another dirty trick played by the teacher to prove that students are dumb.

The psychiatrist would ask you, "Is the half-empty/half-full glass really that important? I mean... really? Think about it. If fact, let's not. Let's set that particular issue aside for a few moments and talk about what's really bothering you.."

And my glass.... is now empty..... Refill please?

Friday 22 April 2011

Chill time

Thursday 21 April 2011

oneliner (3)

"Being perfect is not in my job description."

Under the Rose - Onder de Roos

What is it, in for example a book or a poem or a movie or a person, that touches us?

Sometimes you read something and even though you don't really understand it, it touches something inside you. It plants itself in your heart and mind,and stays there. Sometimes you meet someone, maybe even for just a minute, an hour, a day, and they touch your life in a way that changes it forever. They change you forever.

This poem touched me the first time I read it, in the book "Ogen van Tijgers (Tigers' eyes)" by Tonke Dragt. It was written by Walter de la Mare and is called Under the Rose (Song of the Wanderer) / Onder de roos (Lied van de Zwerver). I hope you enjoy it and perhaps that it touches you too :)

Nobody, nobody told me

What nobody, nobody knows

But now I know where the rainbow ends

I know where there grows

A Tree, that’s called the Tree of Life

I know where there flows

The river of All-Forgotteness

And where the lotus blows

And I, I’ve trodden the forest

Where, in flames of gold and rose,

To burn and then arise again

The Phoenix goes.

Nobody, nobody told me

What nobody, nobody knows

Hide thy face in a veil of light

Put on thy silver shoes

Thou art the stranger I know best

Thou art the sweet heart, who

Came from the land between Wake and Dream

Cold with the morning dew.

Niemand, niemand heeft mij verteld

Wat niemand niemand weet,

Maar ik weet nu waar het eind van de Regenboog is,

Ik weet waar er groeit

Een boom die Boom des Levens heet,

Ik weet waar er vloeit

De Rivier van de Vergetelheid

En waar de Lotus bloeit

En ik - ik heb het Woud betreden, waar

In vlammen, roze en goud,

Verbrandend - en herrijzend steeds

De Feniks zich ophoudt.

Niemand, niemand heeft mij verteld

Wat niemand, niemand weet.

Verberg je gezicht in een waas van Licht,

Die met zilver schoeisel treedt -

Jij bent de Vreemdeling die ik het beste ken,

Van wie ik het meeste hou.

Je kwam van het Land tussen Waken en Droom,

Koud van de Morgen-dauw.

Saturday 16 April 2011

Daydreamer - Adele

Thursday 14 April 2011

Many to one

"Anyone can achieve their fullest potential. Who we are might be pre-determined but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears, or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny cannot be changed, but it can be challenged.
Every man is born as many men and dies as a single man."

- Timothy McGee, NCIS -

Smile

Everyone smiles in the same language

Wednesday 13 April 2011

Moving (on)

Last week I got the message that I need to vacate my room August 1st. Moving. Again. I guess in a way it made me think about the (near) future. Again.

I have been making changes and I have changed in these last few months. Some quite obvious changes, some a lot less obvious. But changes anyway. And they have made me like myself better than I did in the past. Like better. Not like. Not yet. But I am definitely getting closer to that moment where you look in the mirror and think: Yeah, I like you!

The hardest things?
Separating who I am and what I do. Realising that when I do something wrong, it does not make me a bad person. Or less likable. Which rationally is completely logical, but emotionally not so much...
Recognizing my limits. Not in what I can or cannot do, but in what I do or do not want. Learning to say no, and know that it does not make me a lesser person or less likable...
Being okay with yesterday, with last week, with last month, with last year. I cannot change what happened. I cannot undo the past. It's not in my job description. Accept. Do not regret. Learn, and live for today and tomorrow.
And let go. Forgive others, but more important, forgive myself. Move on.

So yeah, I am going through my boxes. Boxes of things and boxes of past. Emptying out. Keeping the good stuff. Remembering the good memories. Giving away what I do not need anymore. Letting go of what was.

Moving. On.

Tuesday 12 April 2011

Arrow and the Song

I shot an arrow into the air,

It fell to earth, I knew not where;

For, so swiftly it flew, the sight

Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,

It fell to earth, I knew not where;

For who has sight so keen and strong,

That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak

I found the arrow, still unbroke;

And the song, from beginning to end,

I found again in the heart of a friend.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow -

Friday 8 April 2011

Change

Perpetual Miracles

Sunday 3 April 2011

In Perfect Shape (by Mandy Wintink)

on www.ultimaterob.com

How often do we head to a competition in perfect shape? Cardio is up, no injuries whatsover, well rested in terms of sleep and muscles, mentally fit as we can be, and no leftover twinge in that sprained ankle, pulled hamstring, or that torn ACL.

I wish I could say that I was in perfect shape for the upcoming Canadian Ultimate Championships in Sherbrooke but the reality is that I am not. At fitness practice last week I felt like my quads wouldn’t kick in during sprints, likely because my hamstring was pulled and my SI joint was locked because I hadn’t seen my chiropractor recently.

It’s a rare occasion when I am “perfect”! *insert sarcastic tone*

So let’s stop expecting perfection! It doesn’t serve us in any other domain of our life. Really, it doesn’t! Perfectionism is actually a huge problem in our Western culture. In fact, there is a great book written by Positive Psychologist Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar entitled The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life. Ben-Shahar starts the book off with a wonderful story of when he won the national junior squash championship and felt utterly depressed and unsatisfied within hours. Why? Because he was chasing perfection and even with a great championship win, it was not good enough! It wasn’t perfect.

When we chase perfection, we chase something that is unreal, unattainable, and impossible. As a result, we are destined to fail before we even begin. When we chase perfection we set ourselves up for misery, disappointment, and low self-esteem. And when we delude ourselves into thinking that perfection IS possible then we risk ending up like Ben-Shahar even if we do win. When we are upset that we are not in perfect shape, we have already succumb to the brutal misery that chasing perfection offers.

How’s that for pump-up talk less than 48 hours before Nationals!

So how do we stop chasing perfection? It starts with a reality check!

- Where are you?
- What shape is your body in?
- What can you do?
- What can you not do?
- Can any change be made at this point?
- Do you have any more control over your situation at this point?

Be honest with yourself. Know where you are and what limits you have. Don’t worry about the limits you had before or will have in the future. Just get a sense of where you are right now. This is a reality check.

Upon checking into reality, consider that this is actually a very wise practice that people spend a ton of money at yoga studies trying to achieve. They are seeking to be “in the moment”. Knowing where your body is and what limits you have, is being in the moment. Its yoga and you just got it for free and didn’t have to sweat or contort your body.

The body is the one thing that does not escape the moment. It’s living in it. So no matter where our mind might be (e.g., on that throw we didn’t complete, on how our kids are doing back home, on that MCAT exam we’re about to take, on that new job that starts on Monday) our body is in the present moment. Our body is playing ultimate! Being in the moment means knowing full well how our body is feeling right NOW. Not how we want it to be feeling. Not how it was feeling last year or when we were 22. Not how it would feel if we had just done those extra sprints, if we hadn’t pushed it too hard in practice last night, or at the last tournament. Not if we were 10 lbs lighter or 20 lbs heavier. Not if we were taller or faster or didn’t eat that big mac or had that extra red bull. RIGHT NOW! All those other thoughts are just our minds attempt to chase perfection and, unfortunately, sabotaging our body’s experience in the present moment.

When we get on the field, when we warm up, when we line up, when we pull, when we run, there is nothing more to do, change, improve, recover, develop, strengthen, elongate, etc. This is it. The tournament is here. This one. Not the one next month. This one! Nothing else matters but every single moment of this tournament. Don’t waste your time wishing you were any different because all you will end up doing is wishing away the experience of nationals before you.

And it’s in each moment of awareness where the magic of athleticism happens. Where we are in the zone, naïve to expectations. We’ve been in that zone before or at the very least we’ve heard other great athletes describe it. It’s no mystery. It’s mental focus. It’s the place where we flow easily from moment to moment. It’s being in the moment.

I know I will be better if I keep my mind focused on what my body is ACTUALLY capable of doing. I know I will be better if my mind is focused on the moment in action! I won’t be better because I think I should be.

When we stop chasing perfection, that zone is possible! And the only thing that will matter is how we felt in our body and how our mind and body were in sync in that zone Whether our body is on the field or on the sideline. Whether our body is injured or not. Whether our body is tired or rested. Whether our body is fit or not-so fit. We will be living that richer, happier life, if we aren’t deluding ourselves with ideas of perfection or other unrealistic expectations.

So how do we actually achieve this?

Just go out and play dammit! And have fun doing it, not matter what body you brought with you!! Enjoy the moment!

Friday 1 April 2011

Would anyone know the difference?

(Paul Coelho)

A friend tells me the story of a father who took his two boys to play mini-golf. At the ticket office he wanted to know the price.

- Five coins for adults, three for those over six years. Under six years entry is free.

- One of them is three, the other seven. I’ll pay for the oldest.

- You are silly – said the ticket seller. You could have saved three coins, saying that the oldest was under six; I would never have known the difference.

- That may be, but the boys would know. And they would remember the bad example for ever.

Fear

Irrational fears... I am sure everyone has them. Being scared shitless even though you know that it doesn't make sense.

I guess in a way I faced one of my irrational fears today: I went to the dentist... I avoided going for years, knowing it was a dumb thing to do, but just the idea of going had me scared...yeah shitless :-)
This time it wasn't like I had much of a choice: a beaver sized jaw (not really my look) and a heck of a root canal infection, a couple of days without solid food and to top it all some serious pain kinda makes you do certain things even though you are scared.

So yeah, first dentist visit in years. Both him and his assistant were incredibly kind, taking their time talking me through what they were doing, even getting a smile out of me when the x-rays needed to be redone. Lots of anesthesia, which helped. Now we'll have to see if things improve. As I said, the look doesn't really do it for me! New appointment in two weeks to finish the root canal treatment and to look if anything else needs to be done - eeek.

But I did face this particular fear and in stead of telling myself that it was stupid to postpone going, what my habit is (or rather: used to be), this time I am telling myself that I can be proud of myself for going, no matter what pushed me.

I did go, I made a different choice this time around and took a different path.

Yay me!!!

Oh, and a little something I'll just put in my pocket (as the expression goes in Dutch): the dentist told me that for not having seen a dentist in so long my teeth seemed to be in pretty good shape, with hardly any tartar! :-D

Tuesday 29 March 2011

3 Voices & Beatur

Monday 28 March 2011

Wake up call (Dutch post)

Een klein lief meisje stond onder een luifel.
Ze had juist boodschappen gedaan in de supermarkt, met haar mama.
Ze zal ongeveer 6 jaar oud zijn geweest, dit prachtige roodharige sproetige beeld van onschuld.
Het stortregende buiten.

Je weet wel, dat soort regen dat goten en afvoerputjes doet overstromen, zo haastig om de aarde te raken, dat het geen tijd had om de straal zachter te zetten.

We stonden allemaal onder deze luifel aan de ingang van de supermarkt. We wachtten, sommigen geduldig, anderen 'geïrriteerd', omdat de natuur de toch al zo haastige dag danig in de war had gegooid.

Meestal word ik wat dromerig als het regent. Dan geniet ik van het geluid, met het denkbeeld dat de hemel zoalle vuil en stof van de wereld afspoelt. Herinneringen van 'rennen en spetteren' als een 'kind' zo zorgeloos, spelen in mijn gedachten, als een welkome onderbreking van een voorbije dag met al zijn zorgen en stress.

Haar stemmetje was zo mooi toen ze de hypnotische trance onderbrak waar we allemaal in gevangen zaten.
'Mama, laten we door de regen rennen,' zei ze.
'Wat ?' vroeg Mama.
'Laten we door de regen gaan rennen!' herhaalde ze.
'Nee, lieverd. We wachten tot het minder wordt' antwoordde mama.

Het kind wachtte een minuutje en herhaalde:
'Mama, laten we nu door de regen gaan en rennen.'
'We worden doornat als we dat doen,' zei mama.
'Nee, dat zullen we niet, mama. Dat is niet wat je vanmorgen zei,' sprak het meisje terwijl ze aan haar mama's arm trok.
'Vanmorgen? Wanneer zei ik dan dat we door de regen konden rennen en niet nat zouden worden?'
Het meisje zei kalmpjes: 'Weet je het niet meer? Dat je met papa praatte over zijn kanker en je zei:
'Als we hier samen doorheen komen, dan komen we door alles heen!'

Iedereen was opeens muisstil.

Ik zweer dat je niets anders meer hoorde dan de regen.

We stonden allemaal muisstil.

De volgende minuten bewoog niemand en ging ook niemand weg.

Mama dacht even na over wat ze zou antwoorden.
Sommigen zouden het weg lachen of haar voor gek uitmaken.
Sommigen zouden misschien zelfs negeren wat ze zei.
Maar dit was het moment van bevestiging in een kinderleven.

Een moment van onschuldig vertrouwen, dat wanneer het gevoed en verzorgd wordt, zal bloeien in geloof in de goede dingen en hoop in het leven.

'Lieverd, je hebt gelijk.
Laten we door de regen rennen.
Als het zo moet zijn dat ze ons vanuit hierboven nat laten worden, wel, dan hadden we misschien juist een wasbeurt nodig,' zei mama.

Daar gingen ze.

We stonden allemaal te kijken en te glimlachen, toen ze daar vooruit sprongen tussen de auto's door, en jawel, door de plassen. Ze hielden hun boodschappentassen boven hun hoofd. Ze werden doornat.

Maar ze werden al snel gevolgd door anderen, die schreeuwden en lachten als kinderen, onderweg naar hun auto's.

Ja, ik ook.

Ik rende en werd nat. Ik had ook een wasbeurt nodig.

Omstandigheden, of mensen kunnen je geld, je materiële bezittingen en je gezondheid wegnemen.
Maar niemand kan ooit jouw dierbare herinneringen wegnemen...

Vergeet daarom niet 'tijd' te maken om momenten vast te houden en elke dag herinneringen te creëren.
Voor alles en voor elk ding onder de hemel is er een seizoen en een tijd.
Bewaar de zonnige dagen voor donkere momenten.

Een vriend zond mij deze boodschap om mij te herinneren aan 'het' leven en de waarden in het leven...

Samen een glaasje wijn, of gewoon iets fris, een gezellige BBQ met familie, buren en vrienden, een terrasje, genietend van dagelijkse dingen

En beetje humor...
Ik hoop dat je het apprecieerde.

IK HOOP DAT JE STEEDS DE TIJD NEEMT OM OOK DOOR DE REGEN TE RENNEN !

Ze zeggen dat het een minuut duurt om een speciaal persoon te vinden, een uur om diegene te waarderen, een dag om van hem/haar te houden, maar een heel leven diegene te vergeten.

Néém tijd om te leven!
Hou contact met vrienden, je weet nooit wanneer je elkaar nodig hebt.
Aangezien van het 'concert des levens' niemand een programma heeft.

Saturday 26 March 2011

I am what I am - John Barrowman

An amazing song - accept and be accepted!

Oneliner (2)

It's not who you are that holds you back,

it's who you think you're not.

Tuesday 22 March 2011

Random Shots

Monday 21 March 2011

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Thursday 17 March 2011

40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain (by Lori Deschene)

Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.
We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes:
“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started:

Let Go Of Frustration with Yourself/Your Life

1. Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.

2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.
I like this idea. I am not too sure about the blessing in disguise, but putting it in a different perspective really helps. Wonder, a year from now, what role this situation will play in your life. Will you even remember it? Try and step outside yourself and see it through someone else's eyes. Doesn't quite look the same then, does it? But then again, it's easier said than done, especially when you feel very involved in the situation

3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.
Doesn't work for me, I can't seem to let go when I cry, so all it does is give me puffy eyes and a headache. Working on that though :-)

4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.

5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past of worrying about the future.)
Huh, me and meditation? Let's say I am looking at that from behind a picket fence. Used to be a wall, so improvement!

6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily.You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self satisfaction.
Tried this, but I find it very hard as something that may feel as a (small) accomplishment at the time, may seem worthless a couple of days later, which makes me judge myself in the wrong way. Not labeling is one of the things I am working on - hard!!!

7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.

8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.
Works!

9. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control, instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
Again, this first needs a switch in your state of mind, or you'll keep going back to your frustrations... at least I do.

10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This gives you permission to shift your focus after the activity.

Let go of Anger and Bitterness

11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully.

12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This will diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.
A Dammit Doll!!!

13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
Being kind to myself... again: huh! But yes, this is very true. Most of the time the anger has other reasons though, like being hurt in someway. It can be healing to figure out if there is an underlying emotion and to acknowledge it and if you want or need to, to deal with it.

14. Use Psychologist Steven Stosny’s HEALS technique to prevent impulsive action, which will only prolong the negative feelings.

15. Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong—which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.
This doesn't work for me, it only makes me be harder on myself for not preventing that something went wrong in the first place. What does happen often is that when I get angry at people, I am often not angry at them, but at myself concerning what I think I am angry at them for... Confusing? Okay, an example. If I have to do something, but I am postponing it (yes that does happen, especially when I don't really want to do it) and someone points out to me that it needs to be done, I can get angry at them. Whereas in reality, I am not angry at them, but at myself for not doing it. Yeah...

16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes; and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.
We are all human... Some just a bit more than others ;-)

17. Metaphorically throw it away; i.e., jog on the beach with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)
Again: Dammit Doll!

18. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it.Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.

19. Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.
Started to use something similar: wearing a wristband that I put on the other writs when I feel I am getting stressed or upset. Changing sides makes me stop and focus on the what and why and the underlying feelings. Which often are not as big a deal as they seem to be before I took my small break from them.

20. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.
I like this one, but again, it is pretty hard to do at times.

Let Go Of Past Relationships

21. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.

22. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.

23. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”

24. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again it will be easier to move on.

25. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.

26. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.

27. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head to the local bar after putting all her things in a box.

28. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Letting go is love. Holding on is attachment.”

29. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”

30. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.

Let Go Of Stress

31. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment.

32. Immerse yourself in a group activity. Enjoying the people in your life may help put your problems in perspective.
True

33. Consider this quotation by Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you may help you let it go.
Easier said than done, but something to aim for :-)

34. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.

35. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant—like your passion for your hobby.
Even recognizing that you are starting to think about it again helps, even if you still think of it after recognizing it. It removes you from your thoughts for a moment.

36. Take a sauna break. Studies reveal that people who go to sauna at least twice a week for 10-30 minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t.
Get me a sauna and I will use it!

37. Use this clever technique by Peak Personal Performance to fully digest and release your stress about a situation.
Actually this move is part of a series that realigns your energy steams - balancing yourself is great!

38. Organize your desk. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.
Not just your desk, but also your home and life. Try and get rid of what takes your energy and fill it with what gives you energy. Not a small task, but one that brings peace to your mind and soul.

39. Use it up. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress, and one with actions to address them. As you complete these tasks, visualize yourself utilizing and depleting your “stress supply.”

40. Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.
So so so true!!!

It’s a long list, but there’s much left to be said! Can you think of anything to add to this list—other areas of life where we need to practice letting go, and other techniques to start doing it right now?