We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.
Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes:
“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”
There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started:
Let Go Of Frustration with Yourself/Your Life
1. Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.
2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.
I like this idea. I am not too sure about the blessing in disguise, but putting it in a different perspective really helps. Wonder, a year from now, what role this situation will play in your life. Will you even remember it? Try and step outside yourself and see it through someone else's eyes. Doesn't quite look the same then, does it? But then again, it's easier said than done, especially when you feel very involved in the situation
3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.
Doesn't work for me, I can't seem to let go when I cry, so all it does is give me puffy eyes and a headache. Working on that though :-)
4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.
5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past of worrying about the future.)
Huh, me and meditation? Let's say I am looking at that from behind a picket fence. Used to be a wall, so improvement!
6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily.You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self satisfaction.
Tried this, but I find it very hard as something that may feel as a (small) accomplishment at the time, may seem worthless a couple of days later, which makes me judge myself in the wrong way. Not labeling is one of the things I am working on - hard!!!
7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.
8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.
Works!
9. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control, instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
Again, this first needs a switch in your state of mind, or you'll keep going back to your frustrations... at least I do.
10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This gives you permission to shift your focus after the activity.
Let go of Anger and Bitterness
11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully.
12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This will diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.
A Dammit Doll!!!
13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
Being kind to myself... again: huh! But yes, this is very true. Most of the time the anger has other reasons though, like being hurt in someway. It can be healing to figure out if there is an underlying emotion and to acknowledge it and if you want or need to, to deal with it.
14. Use Psychologist Steven Stosny’s HEALS technique to prevent impulsive action, which will only prolong the negative feelings.
15. Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong—which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.
This doesn't work for me, it only makes me be harder on myself for not preventing that something went wrong in the first place. What does happen often is that when I get angry at people, I am often not angry at them, but at myself concerning what I think I am angry at them for... Confusing? Okay, an example. If I have to do something, but I am postponing it (yes that does happen, especially when I don't really want to do it) and someone points out to me that it needs to be done, I can get angry at them. Whereas in reality, I am not angry at them, but at myself for not doing it. Yeah...
16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes; and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.
We are all human... Some just a bit more than others ;-)
17. Metaphorically throw it away; i.e., jog on the beach with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)
Again: Dammit Doll!
18. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it.Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.
19. Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.
Started to use something similar: wearing a wristband that I put on the other writs when I feel I am getting stressed or upset. Changing sides makes me stop and focus on the what and why and the underlying feelings. Which often are not as big a deal as they seem to be before I took my small break from them.
20. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.
I like this one, but again, it is pretty hard to do at times.
Let Go Of Past Relationships
21. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.
22. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.
23. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”
24. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again it will be easier to move on.
25. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.
26. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.
27. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head to the local bar after putting all her things in a box.
28. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Letting go is love. Holding on is attachment.”
29. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”
30. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.
Let Go Of Stress
31. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment.
32. Immerse yourself in a group activity. Enjoying the people in your life may help put your problems in perspective.
True
33. Consider this quotation by Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you may help you let it go.
Easier said than done, but something to aim for :-)
34. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.
35. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant—like your passion for your hobby.
Even recognizing that you are starting to think about it again helps, even if you still think of it after recognizing it. It removes you from your thoughts for a moment.
36. Take a sauna break. Studies reveal that people who go to sauna at least twice a week for 10-30 minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t.
Get me a sauna and I will use it!
37. Use this clever technique by Peak Personal Performance to fully digest and release your stress about a situation.
Actually this move is part of a series that realigns your energy steams - balancing yourself is great!
38. Organize your desk. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.
Not just your desk, but also your home and life. Try and get rid of what takes your energy and fill it with what gives you energy. Not a small task, but one that brings peace to your mind and soul.
39. Use it up. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress, and one with actions to address them. As you complete these tasks, visualize yourself utilizing and depleting your “stress supply.”
40. Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.
So so so true!!!
It’s a long list, but there’s much left to be said! Can you think of anything to add to this list—other areas of life where we need to practice letting go, and other techniques to start doing it right now?
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